Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize