Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
