Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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