yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
