As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
