So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
