Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
