Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My liver just had a heart attack.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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