Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
