my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
