Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
