dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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