is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
