There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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