I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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