No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
