i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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