would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
