i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
we should paint friendship bongs
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