The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
