New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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