11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
