wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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