I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
