You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
