Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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