Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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