Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
