First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
