so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
