It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
