I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
