"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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