Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
