he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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