I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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