small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
