i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
