i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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