Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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