I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
