He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
