420 ftw
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
