This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
