Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
