I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
