my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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