he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I believe in your delicious
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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