I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I touched a dick in church today
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
