Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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