I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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