Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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