i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
