Michael Bay diarrhea
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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