and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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