and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
