Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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