Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
