dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
