i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
