new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
