I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
