That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
