Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize