I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
being pregnant is like rehab
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
