the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Are we still banned from the library?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
