Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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