I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
