i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize