just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
