Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
